the fangirl returns..updates!

okay, get ready for a rather looooong entry...
i think i can break it down to 4 main points..

• first off, i kinda lost my password weeks ago, which is why i havent posted since then...
i just got it back a while ago.

• next...my pc has been really bitchy lately...sometimes it's okay for a while but then starts acting up again, usually after someone plays a couple rounds of Diablo...litse ka. i'll get it reformatted when my brother's not busy anymore...

• my parents want to go to Bicol...*sigh* at the start of the summer vacation, i really, really wanted to go...but now that i only have a few weeks left, i dont want to waste any of it there....i want to spend my summer in front of my pc, dammit!!! gaaaaah...apparently, we'll leave on thursday..or friday...and come back at the end of the month...hello? like..wtf, WHAT ABOUT TEH INTERWEBS?! I NEED TEH INTERWEBS!!!

• im an obsessed fangirl...and it's starting to reach dangerous stage...

♥ okay. if nothing of the above interests you, you can stop reading now, because i'll just be explaining the points from this point on, mmkay? ♥

right. where were we?
ah yes...the password thing...the whole google account thing kinda annoys me...it makes things so damn complicated...yeech. need i say more?
ugh..my pc!!!! darn it. every other night, someone nags me to go to sleep so he can use my computer. i swear, sometimes my pc runs so smoothly and then, after he uses it, it starts acting up again!! MY COMPUTER IS NOT FOR GAMING. the computers in this house have certain purposes. my mom's laptop is mostly for her work stuff. my brother's pc is for his downloads and games. and MY PC IS FOR EDITING. you hear me?! i dont even know why all those games are installed here...takte talaga. imagine being told "dali na, matulog ka na, para makapaglaro ako!" by someone you're not even related to.
do0d, sorry a, pero nakakainis talaga eh. you can stay in the house as long as you like, sige, ayus lang, im kinda used to having you around the house anyway. BUT DRIVING ME OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE IS A TICKET TO HELL. you're lucky my parents and brothers like you.

okay..that was really mean... > . >
really really mean...sorry..but..yeah. kailangan maglabas ng galit somewhere...
half of me wishes he'd read this..the other half wishes he'd just get off my case. lol.

and about that vacation thing...i know my dad really wants to go home. i know my mom really wants to go to the beach and i understand that...im not saying i dont want to go...im just saying i wont like it.
T . T it's not that difficult to understand, isnt it? mid june, i start going to college...and my friends will be in LB and all over the place and we'd all be out of contact and busy with schoolwork and all that...it's going to be so different...being underneath my bed and in front of my pc is the situation i cling on to so that i feel as if everything is going to be okay and normal and not different...i know im going to have to accept the changes sooner or later but..it's my comfort zone...Nixxie and Rin-chan and i were planning on a part 2 as well...but now that i have to leave for a week, that's gonna be kinda difficult...especially because after summer vacation, Rin will be focusing on her studies and Nix will be in LB...even Kaye will be in LB!! and im going to be all sad and busy here at home...and..and..i need my SungMin oppa!!! *cries* (omg that was...wrong....XD)
im not really in the mood to explain all that....

finally...i'm a fangirl...i've been like this for..probably about a month now...it's..wonderful...lol...
i'm...uhh...dare i say it? in love?! LOL. it's really scaring me though..like, really really scary...D: i'm always thinking about HIM...it's always HIM in my head...none of his bandmates, not even anyone from the other band, just HIM...
SungMinnie oppa~
this whole fangirl thing really hit me hard...but i dont think i've ever been happier...it feels so nice to daydream about the day we'll meet...but then..there's that lingering thought at the back of my head nagging me that it's never going to happen....i'd like to tell myself that "it might." but we all know it's impossible..it's NOT near impossible...IT IS impossible...so why do i even get my hopes up? because it feels great, i guess...even though i dont drink alcohol, i think this fandom is like getting drunk...you feel so light and all that, like you're on top of the world...but you start throwing up and you fall unconscious and your head hurts like hell...then you have to move on....
so tell me this, why on earth am i putting myself through this knowing that i'll just throw it all way eventually?
why? and dont tell me that it's because love just really is like that, because this is different. I'm in love with a korean popstar?! and so are thousands of other asian girls..possibly even non-asian girls..i dont care why they're putting themselves up to this slow torture, but why am I doing it? arent i supposed to be smarter than this?
am i that desperate about distracting myself from the world that im willing to put myself through something that'll bring me nothing in the end?
and while im typing this, i'm listening to his voice singing...laugh all you want, but it melts my heart...it does.
(Someone Special - SungMin, Lina, Dana)

what on earth is wrong with me...